She asks him to maintain it down so she will be able to hear the TV (Image: Metro.co.uk)
It’s not at all times straightforward to maintain the spark alive in a long-term relationship – however answering the cellphone whilst you’re within the throes of ardour definitely gained’t assist.
This week, a reader shares how his girlfriend is fairly distracted after they have intercourse, and even watches the TV.
His mates suppose it’s humorous, however he’s been left feeling insecure.
Earlier than you go, try final week’s dilemma, the place a person bought himself in a clumsy scenario, after having a threesome with two of his mum’s associates.
The issue…
All my mates suppose this downside is hilarious, however I don’t.
Principally, my girlfriend solutions her cellphone once we’re having intercourse and even has conversations with different folks whereas I’m doing issues to her, which to me is simply bizarre. She additionally has a tv in her bed room, which she insists on having on, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing. She very often tells me to maintain the noise down so she will be able to hear what’s being mentioned.
I’ve tried speaking to her about it, however she simply dismisses what I say as petty and unreasonable. She appears to suppose it’s completely regular to have half a thoughts on one thing else throughout intercourse, whereas I really feel like she ought to be concentrating on what’s taking place.
These days issues have gone from unhealthy to worse as a result of I now have bother even getting an erection. I really feel prefer it’s not price bothering as she clearly isn’t totally into it. I don’t suppose she has ever climaxed throughout intercourse, which appears to be a mechanical act that she simply goes together with.
She has at all times been like this, however I believed issues would change once we’d been collectively for some time, which hasn’t occurred. We’re each in our late twenties and have been collectively for 18 months. Neither of us need to finish the connection as we take to each other in different methods, and other than intercourse, we’re actually pleased with each other.
I’ve had different girlfriends and by no means skilled this subject, so I don’t suppose the issue is right down to me being a garbage lover.
Laura says…
I wonder if your girlfriend has been like this with different companions? Not many guys would tolerate such indifference, and also you’re proper to try to type this out.
You say the issue isn’t right down to your poor lovemaking, and I are inclined to imagine you, as I doubt she would have put up with it this lengthy if that have been the difficulty. It feels like she simply isn’t notably into intercourse; it’s one thing that occurs to her, with out her actively participating.
There are a few different prospects. She could also be asexual, which implies it wouldn’t matter what you probably did, she’d simply by no means be into intercourse. The opposite possibility is that she is sexually very inhibited and might’t let herself go. This explains not solely why she wants distractions just like the cellphone or tv, but additionally why she by no means climaxes.
Though your girlfriend dismisses your makes an attempt to speak, you want to be a bit extra assertive as a result of this actually issues. Your personal lovemaking is being affected, and nevertheless effectively you get on in different areas, that is one thing elementary which must be resolved.
The explanations for her indifferent angle are one thing a intercourse therapist may discover out, and I believe it’s best to urge her to go to one. If she actually can’t or doesn’t need to change, you’ll should determine whether or not this kind of relationship is best for you. In the long run, I believe it gained’t be.
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