This week, we hear from a college pupil who hasn’t advised her boyfriend that she’s a virgin.
He’s a few years older than her, and says he has extra expertise than she does.
Whereas she’d wish to have intercourse with him sooner or later, she all the time will get too nervous.
Ought to she speak to her boyfriend about it? Or preserve ready till she feels snug?
Earlier than you go, take a look at final week’s dilemma, the place a reader defined how his girlfriend needed to strive swinging – however they weren’t on the identical web page.
The issue
I’m in my second 12 months of college in an enormous metropolis, a great distance from the agricultural setting I used to be introduced up in. I went to an all-girls college and haven’t any brothers, so guys are a little bit of an alien species to me.
I spent the primary 12 months simply attending to know individuals, however just lately I’ve began relationship for the primary time. This man is within the 12 months above me and took a niche 12 months (I didn’t), so he’s two years older than me.
He doesn’t brag, however by normal chat I’ve picked up that he has had a whole lot of girlfriends up to now. He went to a blended college and was relationship from the age of 15, so meaning he’s been seeing women for the final six years.
All this freaks me out as, in case you hadn’t guessed it already, I’m nonetheless a virgin – one thing I haven’t confessed to my boyfriend.
I’ve solely been seeing him for 4 months, however he thinks it’s amusing that I haven’t had intercourse with him but. To me, the connection is kind of new, however he has admitted that some women go for it on the primary evening.
I want to have intercourse with him sooner or later, however each time issues get a bit passionate between us, I’ve an assault of nerves and make an excuse to go dwelling.
How do I recover from this irrational concern of intercourse?
Laura says…
Please don’t really feel as if being a virgin is one thing embarrassing – as a substitute, you’ve determined you need to lose your virginity to somebody particular.
You received’t be the one one at your college both – plenty of individuals attain their twenties with out ever having had intercourse and nonetheless, being a virgin at that age doesn’t make you a freak.
Don’t pre-judge your boyfriend’s response to studying that he’ll be the primary man to make like to you. Why would he thoughts? If he’s genuinely understanding and sort, he’ll take delight in making your first time as particular as potential.
There’s clearly extra to your relationship than simply the way you work together bodily, so don’t be afraid to inform him the reality. You could discover that he’s guessed already, particularly if he is aware of your background.
There’s nothing fallacious with sleeping collectively and exploring other forms of sexual exercise – however don’t really feel pressured to go the entire method till you’re prepared for it.
First time intercourse could really feel just a little uncomfortable, so don’t rush issues. Your companion wants to make sure you are totally aroused earlier than he takes issues additional.
Take all the things slowly and please be reassured, intercourse is nothing to be afraid of. There’s a primary time for everybody and an awesome love life will simply add to what you have already got collectively.
In case your boyfriend is a real man who actually cares about you, this is not going to hurt your relationship. In reality, there’s each probability it’ll make it stronger.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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Originally posted 2023-04-16 07:27:41.