‘It’s so necessary understanding your physique’ (Image: Lou Featherstone)
‘Someone requested me truly not too long ago if I wasn’t a divorce influencer,’ says Lou Featherstone, ‘and I’m so not that. I’m about encouraging folks to seek out their voice for themselves.’
The 52-year-old describes herself as a ‘menopausal midlife mindset shifter and a positivity insurgent’ on social media, however she wasn’t at all times as she is now.
In debt from the time she was 17, Lou says she was ‘a horrible shopaholic’ for her complete life and didn’t really really feel assured till she was in her 40s.
That was when, in the future, she had an epiphany about her dependancy after she spent £450 on a pair of Kurt Geiger footwear.
‘I wakened in the course of the night time in an entire panic assault pondering: “What the hell are you doing? You possibly can’t maintain residing like this, you’ve received to do one thing,”‘ she tells Metro.co.uk’s Smut Drop podcast. ‘So the following day I wakened, and I mentioned to my husband: “I’m going to cease purchasing for a 12 months I’m not going to purchase something.”
‘A number of folks do that now for sustainability causes,, however to be trustworthy, for me, it was attempting to get my dependancy underneath management.’
She determined weblog her restoration journey, together with what the procuring withdrawal was like and what she was carrying daily whereas she couldn’t store for something new.
This meant that she was one of many first folks on the web doing Outfit Of The Day (‘ootd’ to the social media savvy), which went on to turn out to be a very fashionable factor for folks to share on-line.
Lou says: ‘I had mums coming as much as me within the playground that very same day telling me about their husbands’ dependancy to playing. And it was earlier than even Instagram, I used to be on Tumblr. There was simply porn and me on there, just about. Then I began to seek out confidence in my fashion.
‘It gave me a sense I’d by no means had earlier than on the finish of the 12 months after I’d completed. I used to be like: “What’s this?” And it was accomplishment and confidence. I used to be 41, and it was the primary time in my complete life I felt assured, which simply blew my thoughts.’
After a transfer to America for her husband’s work, when Lou’s 20-year marriage got here to an finish, she discovered herself getting sexy once more for the primary time
‘We very a lot have totally different journeys,’ she says of the cut up. ‘Once we arrived in America, I discovered myself and my stride with center age, and was embracing the menopause. However he was actually scuffling with American company tradition. And we actually, actually misplaced our means.
‘This was the primary time I felt actually sexually empowered’ (Image: Lou Featherstone)
‘It wasn’t something dreadful that occurred. It was simply I used to be like: “Cling on a minute. I appear to have been placing everybody else first for the final 20 years. And what about me?” So after I began asking that, there didn’t appear to be room for me in that setup.’
She provides that, whereas their marriage was ‘so ace in so some ways’, intercourse fell a bit by the wayside of their relationship.
‘[Sex] was such an enormous a part of my life earlier than I met him,’ Lou says. ‘I assumed: “Oh, perhaps I used up all my intercourse.”
After she posted about these emotions of hers on-line, a vibrator firm reached out to her and requested if she needed to check a few of their merchandise.
‘This was the primary time I felt actually sexually empowered and liberated for myself,’ she says, ‘and never for any person else.’
Now, she makes use of these experiences to assist different folks, and begins by recommending folks get to know their our bodies on their very own phrases.
‘Time is so valuable, proper?’ she says. ‘It’s very uncommon, generally, to even find time for your self. So earlier than you even begin your self within the mirror, or interested by vibrators, I’d be sure you’ve received some health in your life.
‘It’s so necessary understanding your physique. And thru health, you perceive how your physique works, so then when the menopause begins kicking in, you realize what’s taking place, and you may take heed to your physique since you perceive it extra.’
With regards to getting again in contact with the attractive facet of your physique, Lou recommends giving it a superb look.
‘Take your garments off,’ she instructs, ‘take a look at your physique. Take some attractive footage of your self in attractive for your self, not for anyone else. This isn’t about anyone else.
‘Have a date with your self. Put the candles on. It sounds ludicrous, however put the tunes on and have a superb dance across the kitchen in nothing however your knickers. Ship everybody out, shut the curtains, however simply let go.
‘Actually dance like no person’s watching.’
And should you’re nervous about vibrators, Lou recommends going with a clit-sucking toy as an alternative of one thing that penetrates.
You may be sceptical that masturbation is all that necessary for folks going by menopause, however Lou says she’s skilled first-hand how a lot that sort of self-care may also help.
‘I do know everyone’s menopause is totally different,’ she says, ‘however feeling attractive, valuing myself, and having the arrogance in myself helped me sort out all the opposite stuff.’
Lou additionally actually recommends journaling in addition to ‘discovering gratitude’ and writing these stuff you’re glad about down.
‘And I’m a giant fan of forgiveness,’ she provides, ‘however it’s received to start out with your self as nicely. In the event you’re doing one thing sh**ty personal it. Have a look at your self.’
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